Failure: From Frustrating to 'Fort'ifying

There are two types of Failures: Tiny ones and bigger ones.
The tiny ones are so tiny that for this post I will not focus on them ;) The bigger ones are those that alter our life or way of living to some extent.

Coming First in the school exams was what defined my first set of goals in life. I just had to come first in exams. If not, even if I stood second, I would be really disappointed with myself. I would focus more in my studies for the next year and mostly fare quite well. Yes, I know I sound nerdy here, but I turned out to be just a fun loving person later in life. So I don't mind being a geek in school ;)

Somehow, that helped me in the long run. In this competitive world, I always aim for the best in whatever I do. I am not a business tycoon minting loads of money (I never aimed to be!), but I am happy to be a copywriter and really good at my job! Seriously, I always like to be good in whatever task I take up, be it preparing a cup of tea, hosting a perfect fun get-together with friends or trekking to reach a fort on the peak of a hill.

However, Fibromyalgia (FMS) has made a lot of difference in my life (most of you who know me through blogging have hear a lot about it, so I will not go on and on with what it is all about; linking my Fibromyalgia Awareness blog here and its Facebook page for the new visitors). Inability to do so many tiny and big things is really frustrating. The thing with FMS is that I am not supposed to push myself to do more than what my body can take. Otherwise, the following days I repent a lot! Yes, by nature, I often tend to do so, but I am listening to my body more often now.

A couple of years ago, me and my husband went to Rajasthan (India) for a fortnight. That was a year after my diagnosis. I had taken all the extra medications, knee caps, bandages, pain relief gels, etc. to deal with the pain and frankly I was not sure if I could even tour one fort completely. But to our surprise, I managed all the Forts without increasing the severity of my pain. Maybe it was the change of climate that took care of things.

A few months ago, we shifted to Panvel. Some hill stations and Karnala bird sanctuary are pretty close to our house. In fact, Karnala hill is a straight view from my house! However, with my increased fibromyalgia pain now, we haven't been able to visit it. In March, I finally decided to give it a shot. So we left home around 10 am when my morning stiffness was better. It's just 30 minutes away from home. The trek to the fort at the peak of the hill should ideally take 1.5-2 hours. But with me, it took 3 hours from the base of the hill and we were still 30 minutes away from the fort entrance. For the first time in my life, I gave up on something like this. I just could not move forward knowing that we have to return back as well. We sat for a while gazing at the fort and then started the return trip. Three falls, an ankle sprain and 100% shoot-up in symptoms later, we reached home.

I felt terrible. This Failure was definitely a low point for me. Imagine going somewhere with great efforts and returning back when you are so close to it! Seriously frustrating! I was feeling terrible for a few days. But it was an eye-opener and 'fort'ifying too! The trip made me listen to my body more seriously. And I am trying to strengthen myself more, emotionally and physically. Life's going to be like this as there's no cure and with age I need to accept that I need to stop and focus on my health more frequently. So now the goals need to change a bit. From reaching the peak of a hill, it has to be reaching the peak of my good health. And the fort is going nowhere. I look at it every single day from my balcony and I tell it that I will be better and visit it soon. I am working on it.

 And did I tell you it is in the shape of a "thumbs up"! It's motivating me everyday. And when I knew that I just cannot sit and type for the challenge with the sudden spasm this weekend, I took my time. I might have failed to post this blog post in time. But I did it when I could complete it. And I am stopping when my fingers are getting stiff with spasm now. I might not have been able to visit the blogs of all those who commented on the previous post. And I am genuinely SORRY. But I will do it ASAP. So will I do with the fort. Definitely!

This post is written by me for the A-Z Blogging Challenge where I will post every day (except Sundays) all through the month of April. Most importantly, I will blog thematically on topics from A to Z! So for April 1, I chose a topic starting with the letter A, for April 2 the letter B and so on. 

My A-Z Challenge Entries: A B C D E...


  1. What an inspiring post, Anuradha. Yes, that tip does look like a thumbs up! Kudos to you for not giving up!

    Hope you're having a relaxed Sunday!

    1. Thank you Vidya! Some call it inverted funnel, but for me thumbs up it is :) Not to well so haven't been able to reply to all comments yet.

  2. I love your spirit! When my tennis elbow prevented me from typing I felt lost. May you be able to visit the fort soon. Good luck.

  3. First time here and what an inspirign post to read ! :D

    BE Strong Live Strong ! :)

    Are you aware of this page on FB? :

    I suspect it will interest you :)

  4. Thank you Dhiren/Nigam! I am glad you liked the blog on your first visit :)

    It's no nice when people share information :) I know that fb page, it's run by someone I met through my fibromyalgia awareness fb page last year -
    Trying to raise awareness by doing whatever I can. But got a long way to go

  5. My sympathies for your suffering with daughter has it too although not to the degree you are dealing with. You seem to have a great zest for life which should help to pull you through the tough times. Kind and healing thoughts headed your way from thefeatherednest.

    1. Thank you so much. Hoping your daughter feels better and gets all the strength and support. You can stay in touch with a lot of fibro buddies we have on the Facebook page.


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